just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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