this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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