Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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