She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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