Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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