Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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