yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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