I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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