I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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