I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize