two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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