Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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