After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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