When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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