First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Im part way to drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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