I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize