Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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