i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize