Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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