you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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