the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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