I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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