Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize