We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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