Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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