There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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