He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize