Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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