i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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