i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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