she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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