I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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