I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just forgot I was standing up.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize