just tell him i said nine months
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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