it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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