GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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