I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize