I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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