The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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