So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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