my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize