just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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