Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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