I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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