saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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