My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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