I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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