I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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