I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize