i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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